Feelings

So, I think we need more information to decide about Philip. I feel like I want to adopt him... I think we need more information to make a logical and rational decision and yet I have an emotional decision that I can give logical reasons to support. For instance: Philip is currently the only child available that is younger than Liam and is from a country we can adopt from. Another reason: I think about him often, although I try not to too much because I don't want to get attached just in case he's not our son (which is hard to do for someone like me, a feeler and a lover of kids, oh and someone who's impatient and wants another child...). Matt has said that this is difficult to think about. What parent chooses what condition their child will or will not have? If we gave birth to Philip, that means we could handle whatever conditions he has or doesn't. Since we have been connected to him in such a way, does that mean we can handle it?

I fear making the wrong decision, whatever that really means. I honestly don't like the idea of saying no to a child in need. I know we have our limits and we can't be everyone's parents, but I'm just speaking honestly and I fear that I would feel guilty not adopting him considering it seems more likely like this is something we can handle. I also fear adopting him because it's unknown. Partially why I feared getting pregnant and well, that turned out great.

What would make this decision easier for me? I don't know. An obvious Holy Spirit "adopt him" response that I heard clearly. Probably. God's not always into booming voice answers though. Something else? Maybe just more info on what we would be getting ourselves into? I don't know, but that may help.

We have two more conversations with people who can probably help us understand Philip's medical state at least a little better. I think I want to wait until then before diving in. But in the meantime, I did a little more paper work today.